Are You Living with an Abuser?
Understanding & Safely Leaving a Narcissist, Psychopath or Machiavellian
Living with an Abuser
A relationship with someone high in Dark Triad traits of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and/or psychopathy (also referred to as anti-social personality disorder) can feel confusing, isolating, and exhausting, to say the least.
The person with these traits may appear charming to others; while superficially intelligent and calculating, they use control, deception, intimidation, or cruelty at home or in the workplace. They can be psychologically and emotionally tormenting, unpredictable, lying, manipulating, while taking no accountability because they have a profound lack of empathy. They display callousness, interpersonal hostility, and exploit others for their personal gain. These are just some of the common overlaps of these malevolent personality traits.
You don’t always know you’re living with the enemy until the damage is already done. At first, they may seem magnetic, attentive, even unforgettable. But behind the charming veneer, some people use fear, confusion, guilt, and control to slowly take away your confidence, your freedom, and sometimes even your (and your children’s) safety.
I have wanted to share something on this for some time. Working in this space spanning years, countries and cities, religions and faiths, genders and cultures, I have come across the same dynamics played out: those in Dark Triad relationships and marriages, some with and without children; others who are or have been tormented and abused by such parents and/or siblings, colleagues and bosses; and those who found their way out. Now wanting to heal from the trauma left in their wake and create a renewed, healthy, safe, loving, beautiful life.
It may seem overwhelming individually to understand and make a plan to execute or help someone you care about do the same, but united, with knowledge and wisdom, with resources and planning, we can help those we love and care about who are in need by understanding these personalities and having guidance on a safe way out. Together we can help each other live safer, healthier, more joyous and free lives.
Today, this may be for you, or it may be for helping someone you care about. I want to help shine a light, not to label people casually, but to help us recognise and see patterns in Dark Triad personalities, as they can go hand in hand, share a psychological outline to better understand how they operate in general, and explore how this looks in relationships before outlining a step-by-step way to leave safely. Helplines and resources will be attached in the notes. While some are Australia-specific, you can use them as a springboard for your national or state resources.
What the Dark Triad Means
The Dark Triad is a term used in psychology for three particular personality disorders with overlapping personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. These three disorders are distinct, but the traits often overlap in how they affect relationships, all with manipulation, control, lack of empathy, repeated lies without shame, self-interest, bullying, and harm to others.
These are considered personality disorders, not mental illnesses, as they are stable over time. People with these disorders resist treatment as they do not want to change: narcissists are not going to think they are the problem, they think everyone else is; psychopaths and Machiavellians don’t want to change as they think they are superior.
One Dark Triad pattern of behaviour could be flattery + leverage + pressure. Such as when big love, big gifts and big words come and then disappear and are replaced by a hurtful comment they make that you seek clarity on, and they say you’re overreacting and being dramatic or needy. They will flip the story and make you doubt your memory or your motives, and the confusion will set in. Their leverage is that confusion that makes you keep bargaining or chasing the last high of the big love. Your upset, anger or tears are their desired fuel, and they’ll use it all to pressure, manipulate and control you.
Narcissism
Narcissism is strongly marked by a constant need for admiration, adoration and respect because they believe they are the most impressive people anywhere, not just in the room. It can also be marked by grandiosity, entitlement and a strong sensitivity to criticism. In relationships, a narcissistic person may expect special treatment, avoid accountability at all costs to keep their constructed-self intact, and they will blame and shame others for their mistakes, while treating disagreement as disrespect.
They can seem to be loving and attentive early on, then become cold, controlling, or punishing when their needs are not met. They will dress to impress with fresh haircuts, even eyebrows refined no matter male or female; they want the best of things to appear wealthy and superior, be that the designer watch, bag, clothes, shoes, car and lavish house. They will want an attractive partner also to make them look good, especially if that fits the narrative requirements as they play the part to get to the top of their career game, which they will at all costs. The exterior may look polished and beautiful while the interior is insecure and ugly, vacuous and empty. “Fake it to make it” can ring true here.
Narcissism itself is often broken into two different categories:
The Grandiose Narcissist - Overconfident, “greatest leader ever.” If you disagree with them, they will wipe you and not care.
The Vulnerable Narcissist - Needs you to treat them a certain way or they will rage at you and then go into a spiral. They swing wildly from overconfidence and a need to be adored and liked to a crushing failure: no one likes them, everything is a disaster. They will cope with that by swinging back in the next hour/day, etc. They will be the most amazing again, but will be fragile. They may end up in therapy complaining about everyone else.
Psychopathy
Psychopathy is about wielding control or sowing chaos. This makes them very preoccupied with power, conflict, and disturbing or breaking trust in relationships. This can include traits such as low empathy, impulsivity, thrill-seeking or risk-taking in various ways, deceitfulness, and shallow or empty emotional responses.
People may find them scary or repulsive simply from how they look at you. Without being able to put their finger on it exactly, people may find they can sense an off vibe, feeling that something isn’t right with these types. In relationships, this can show up as cruelty without remorse or guilt, impulsive and reckless behaviour showing little to no fear. They can explode into sudden rages, engage in sexual coercion, repeated cheating, or use fear to dominate.
Not every person with these traits is violent, though the risk of intimidation and abuse is often higher. They are also able to ‘copy’ or mimic the behaviour of those around them to fit in or to give people what they discover they want when it serves their plans. They can appear to demonstrate deep interest, care or even love, but it is a play, a performance.
They cannot, in truth, form emotional bonds as they have a complete lack of compassion. At work and in social settings, they tend towards positions of power where they will break relationships, sow distrust, play people against each other and create separation.
Machiavellianism
Machiavellianism is innately extremely cynical and self-serving. They don’t really believe in morals or values, and therefore whatever they want is entirely justified for them to work towards. They don’t consider themselves to be evil, they just don’t care about you; they simply want what they want. Traits can include strategic manipulation, emotional detachment, and using people as tools or pawns to get what they want.
A Machiavellian partner may lie smoothly, play long games, create confusion, and present different versions of themselves to different people. They are often less overtly emotional than narcissistic people, but can be highly calculating and hard to read. Everything serves the pursuit of what they want; they don’t need to be liked unless it suits their goals/function.
They are the hardest types to detect. As the narcissist can’t hide the fact they need you to see them as great, and a psychopath wants you hurt, afraid of them, etc., the Machiavellian will ask themselves, “What’s the best way to get ‘this’?” and will do whatever that is. None of them will have usual friendships, and none of them can love.
There is also an addition to these three, expanding the Triad to the Dark Tetrad, with the fourth being Sadism: those who take pleasure in speaking cruelly, causing pain and harm, stealing, being dismissive of others’ pain, wanting to create pain, or taking pleasure in others’ pain. Though this addition won’t be our main focus today, the traits of Sadism can also be noted.
As an additional factor, be mindful of paranoia, as when added it can amplify or accelerate aspects of the Dark Triad, making these people’s behaviours even worse. Some will show high suspiciousness, mistrust, and controlling or surveillance-based behaviours, which can contribute to coercive or stalking-like dynamics in relationships.
Research on stalking and cyberstalking has shown links with psychopathy and some forms of narcissism, and some stalking-related behaviours are associated with surveillance, monitoring, and intrusive pursuit.
A 2024 study found that the antisocial facet of psychopathy and grandiose narcissism were associated with cyberstalking, while Machiavellianism was not clearly predictive in that.
While women and men can and do have these Dark Triad traits, they are higher in men.
There have also been studies conducted on twins to see if it is nature or nurture that creates or influences the development of these traits. The studies showed that narcissism and psychopathy have substantial genetic components, with Machiavellianism noted as being less prevalent in twins. However, Machiavellianism has been recorded in other research as being influenced by family dynamics.
If we look at the Big 5 personality traits, which can also go by the acronym OCEAN for Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism, with each having a high and low end, or correlating positively or negatively, we could say that all of us will sit somewhere along these.
However, those of the Dark Triad all share pretty much the same places on this: narcissists and psychopaths are usually open to new ideas, or what we would say is being high in openness; they are also both extroverted. Psychopaths and Machiavellians have low conscientiousness.
All three of the Dark Triad personality types score low on agreeableness, and psychopaths are hardly ever neurotic, thus no matter what, they are cold. This type of combination is often why such personality types end up in high places, as a Machiavellian may charm and use insults, the narcissist will win over by their charm and sharp appearance, and a psychopath by physical threats. With no compassion, pushing, forcing and coercing their way to successfully make it to the top of their game.
What It Can Look Like In Relationships
A Dark Triad relationship often follows a pattern: intense early attention, rapid trust-building, then increasing control. The person may isolate you from friends or anyone they would label as ‘other’ to them and their circle of control. This is also noted when religion, faith, nationality and/or culture is an element of your shared world. They monitor your movements, be that tracking your phone, devices or car. They may ask, “Who was that?” when your phone rings, “Where are you going? With whom? You’d better be home before 11 pm,” or they may play it cool and simply be monitoring everything you’re connected to and that’s connected to you.
Some people may want to have their devices, car and house checked and swept for tracking and recording devices to feel safer in their own home and travels.
They will twist your words and make you feel responsible for their moods. Over time, you or the person in relationship with such an individual will often lose confidence, self-belief, money, freedom, and a sense of reality, along with any sense of safety and connection, if they become fully controlled and isolated.
Because sometimes abuse doesn’t arrive with shouting. Sometimes it arrives with charm, looks like love, feels like devotion, and turns into control before you even realise what’s happening. If you’ve ever felt like you were walking on eggshells, doubting your own memory, or shrinking yourself just to keep the peace… if you’ve been made to feel confused, isolated, or afraid in a relationship — intimate, familial or otherwise — you are not imagining it. Some people are skilled at hiding cruelty behind charisma, and that can make leaving feel impossible.
Warning Signs Can Include
· Big demonstrations of love or ‘love bombing’ early on, making you feel special and seen, then withdrawal or cruelty.
· Gaslighting, denial, and blame-shifting that could sound like “You always do this, don’t get emotional”, “You’re being irrational”, “You’re acting crazy”, etc. — anything to flip it onto you or another, with no accountability on their behalf. Ever.
· Financial control, coercive control, intimidation and threats, saying something like “Just try to leave and you’ll have nothing, who will want you, I’ll take the children, you’ll be penniless and alone.”
· Public charm paired with private abuse and isolation. No one may even know this is happening; you may appear to be the perfect couple, or simply good and all is well, but behind closed doors it is a version of daily hell, of being abused, controlled and isolated. This can also include going to couples counselling or marriage therapists. Professionals can be charmed, missing the subtleties, nuances and truth hiding behind the masks that Dark Triads use.
· Using children, immigration status, housing, or money to trap and control someone.
Triangulation
Triangulation is another warning sign and is a classic manipulation tactic to divide and conquer, where a person pulls a third party, real or imagined, into a two-person dynamic to control the narrative, create division, or avoid direct communication. Individuals with Dark Triad traits use it to destabilise others, manufacture jealousy, and reinforce their own superiority, all to maintain control, regulating their own ego, insecurity, or need for attention.
In intimate relationships, triangulation commonly shows up as emotional or relational interference involving a third person, real or implied. They may:
· Spread little lies - They share distorted versions, misinformation or lies about you to family, friends, or colleagues, making you feel judged, isolated or discredited.
· Create insecurity - They could compare you to a previous partner, a colleague, or a stranger to provoke jealousy and make you compete for their validation.
· Shift accountability - Instead of addressing a problem directly, the triangulator involves a third party to deflect tension, dodge responsibility, and avoid direct communication.
This can take different forms:
The “Ex” Comparison / Using Absent People - “My ex used to cook and clean without being asked.” Using someone no longer in their life to manipulate and thus deliberately undermine you and make you feel inadequate and insecure, adding pressure without making a direct demand.
The “Mutual Friend” Dynamic / Indirect Communication with Social Proof - “Jo thinks you’re being too emotional about this.” The manipulator uses a third party (who may not have even said anything of the sort) to support them by ganging up on you, proving the triangulator is right as others share their opinion, thus making you second-guess or doubt your reality.
The Jealousy Triangle / Introducing a Rival - Flirting with others or lavishing attention on someone else in front of you to make you upset, worried or insecure. This can also be speaking of interactions with others to create jealousy, insecurity or competition by comparing you to someone else or hinting they are “better” in some way.
Double Lives or Mixed Loyalties - The person may present themselves differently to each party, creating confusion. Example: telling each person they are the primary partner, or hiding the existence of one from the other, some playing one or both sides as fools to gain more power and control while getting their thrills and ego needs met.
As each of these triangulation approaches can give the user:
Ego protection - Since these individuals view people as extensions of themselves, and use others to prop up their own egos.
Control and dominance - Controlling the flow of communication between you and others ensures you remain off-balance and dependent on their approval.
Evading vulnerability - This is ideal for preventing direct, honest conversations where they would be expected to admit fault or change their behaviour.
How to Respond to Triangulation
Recognise - Recognising the tactic alone helps dismantle its power.
Refuse to compete - You can protect yourself by refusing to compete and thus not asking for reassurance, nor trying to prove your worth against any third party.
Request direct communication - If they bring up a third party, calmly and simply state, “Let’s just focus on what you and I are discussing right now.”
Verify - Never blindly accept anything a triangulator / Dark Triad type says, especially in regard to what others think or feel about you.
If you notice some or all of these behaviours and flags and start to change the way you behave, start questioning, stand up for yourself or pull back, want to leave and thus aren’t giving them what they want, they will know something has shifted and will change tactics.
Afraid that they may lose you, they will usually have two approaches:
1. Return to the start of the pattern, back to love bombing. “You’re the best thing in my life, the best thing that ever happened to me, I’m going to get therapy, we can change this, I can’t live without you.” This is called ‘future faking’, where they tell you everything you want to hear. It may sound believable and wonderful. But you’ve likely heard it all before. Or even if you haven’t, you know it’s highly unlikely to be different from every other time they’ve tried something similar.
No matter how grand and amazing this revelation of theirs and their promises sound, it is a tactic also referred to as hoovering. Yes, like a vacuum cleaner trying to suck you back into their vortex, where they have most power and control. It does show they have been listening all along to what you or their partner needed, but they never did it in truth, and now they weaponise it to draw you or their partner back.
2. The opposite tactic at this time is abusive, to make it as difficult, miserable and frightening as possible to scare you into staying. It is called post-separation abuse. Dark Triad types may physically hurt others in this phase, threaten with custody, legal battles, or start smear campaigns about you or the person they are with to mutual family and friends.
At this point, sometimes it is so unsettling and scary that some may find it all too much. This is a time we especially recommend having regular contact with those you can trust and rely on, and getting domestic violence help or calling upon legal resources.
Contacting the national domestic, family, and sexual violence support services in your country and state is a place to start. In Australia, that is 1800RESPECT, and in the UK it is the National Domestic Abuse Helpline run by Refuge, with related national services listed by GOV.UK and the NHS. In the USA, the National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free, confidential support 24/7 across the United States, Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Canada.ca’s Family Violence Helplines and Services page is a go-to resource, plus local crisis lines and shelters in each province or territory. For example, Ontario has the Assaulted Women’s Helpline.
Search the relevant hotlines in your country or state.
On a Therapist Note
As you may know, I work with individuals and couples moving through challenge, change, crisis and curiosity, and I know many therapists in general (excluding when dealing with immediate danger and physical abuse) will not explicitly tell their clients to end or leave a relationship, as that is ultimately a conscious, informed decision to be made by the individuals.
And anyone in a Dark Triad relationship may have spent this or other relationships, even their entire life from childhood, being told what to do and do not need that perpetuated in what should be a safe space from a therapist who truly cares and sees them and wants them to learn agency and self-advocacy, among others.
However, our perception of reality in any decision is key, and if one party of a relationship does not, for example, acknowledge hurting you/betraying you; if they deny, minimise, or justify their behaviours and make you question yourself (your morals, beliefs, perceptions) and as a result you stop trusting yourself, feel like you are losing yourself, your agency, your health and wellbeing, your abilities or even your desire to continue on...
…If there is no guilt, no remorse, no question even of what their behaviours/actions/choices did or do to you and/or your child/ren - without that alone you have no foundation to rebuild, heal, grow and move forward together in any relationship.
For if you cannot do that, there is no relating to one another to make it a relationship, as there is no accountability, humility, loving kindness, non-judgement, patience, care even.
Instead it is a victim–abuser dynamic that is causing harm.
As is the case with those of the Dark Triad, even if you feel guilt, even if you think maybe you can stay for the children, even if they were once the love of your life or it was once a fairy tale and they make those promises over and over that have no follow-through, even if it is your own mother or father, your brother or sister, you are uncertain of what may or may not come next, even if you have so many fears and doubts holding you in this pattern, leaving is the only guarantee of change.
It is always your choice. It is not easy with what comes from an exit: be it stalking, emails, texts and calls, or smear campaigns, passive-aggressive behaviour and the need to fight for your children, freedom and life.
But the opportunity for life beyond this is something to contemplate: finding out who you are, who you want to be, how you want to live life, and in time exploring what a new, healthy and safe, loving relationship can be. And with it, the potentialities of all that can come if you choose to leave that, can change your life in ways you may or may not have imagined.
It is not simple, but it is not impossible if leaving is what you or someone you know wants to do.
Possibility is something that’s never happened before. Probability is based on what’s already happened. Think of the possibilities for your future beyond the current relationship, and you may find the motivation for your answer there.
Because, if you are in a relationship with someone with a diagnosable Dark Triad personality disorder, regardless of which one, you are likely wounded or harmed and they are unlikely to want to change.
Your wounding may be even stronger if your parents or relatives also had any of these disorders or traits growing up. You deserve better, you are allowed to, and you probably should leave. In this case, we need to get you out.
Safe Exit Plan
This is why a Safe Exit Plan is necessary for those living with the enemy in intimate/familial/marriage relationships. Leaving is often the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship, so the priority is safety, not confrontation.
If there is immediate danger, call 000 in Australia or your local emergency number.
If you are not in immediate danger, plan quietly and carefully. Now is the time that you become masterful at manipulation for greater good.
Though at first you may not feel strong enough to leave, have the bandwidth, or know where to start.
Rebuild Yourself
I’d love to make this a detailed section on its own, as clients have come to me who need deep nourishing and nurture to feel strong enough. Some do not have the time to fully achieve that first, as they need to leave as soon as possible. For those who have some time to plan, as a quick checklist I ask you:
Are you eating properly? Fresh proteins, good fats, fruits and veg? Drinking enough water? Getting enough sleep? Exercising – anything at all? Getting some daily sunlight and nature time?
These sound basic, and they are. The basic building blocks your body needs to function, feel stronger, more resilient and build more bandwidth. I would also add love. Do you have someone who truly knows you and your situation, whom you can trust? Can you see them, have a face-to-face, have a hug and feel safe, loving, human connection?
Your body and mind, along with your heart and soul, need to be nourished.
If it resonates, I would add connection to whatever you resonate with as Source/God/Divine/Spirit or Goodness and Truth through meditation, prayer, positive self-talk, therapy; these are also ideal to help rebuild you after depletion, especially if this situation has been compounding over a long period of time.
Having a trusted, confidential space with a professional like a therapist or, at the least, a trusted friend who is a true confidant to play out the leaving scenario, so you can explore how you are feeling, your thoughts and worries, what it can look like during and after, is a wonderful asset to this process whenever possible.
You are then in a clearer, stronger place to:
Make a Private, Safe Plan
Keep your plan hidden if discovery could increase risk. Use a safe device if possible, get a burner phone, clear all browser history immediately. If you have a family account, it is safe to say you are tracked already. If, let’s say, you are wanting to get legal advice in person, leave your phone behind and avoid shared email or cloud accounts.
If you have a car, that too is likely AirTagged and being monitored. So consider how best to travel or how to consult with people to not be tracked. Choose one trusted person, service, or worker to help you think clearly, keep records of everything, and keep them safe.
Build a Support Network
If family support is limited or not an option for various reasons, as they may not want to help you go, they too may have Dark Triad traits, or it may be values, culture, faith or religious reasons, do you have friends you can trust implicitly? Are you that person for your friend in need?
Contact domestic violence services, community legal centres, women’s refuges, or 24‑hr hotlines. Ask them about emergency accommodation, risk assessment, legal options and transport. Many services can help you leave without telling the other person where you went.
Gather Documents
If you can do so safely, collect or photograph important documents including:
Passport, birth certificate, driver’s licence, Medicare or health cards
Children’s documents, school details, immunisation records
Bank details, Centrelink/financial aid letters, tenancy papers, mortgage papers
Any evidence of abuse, threats, stalking, financial control or anything else relevant. Store copies somewhere safe, such as with a trusted person, in a secure email account, or with a support service. Tiny safe steps are key.
Secure Money
If possible, open a new bank account at a bank the other person does not use. Save small amounts of cash where they will not be found. Change passwords and PINs, and update banking recovery details. Ask a service about emergency financial help, hardship arrangements, and income support.
Plan Where You Will Go
Options may include a friend, a motel funded by a service, a women’s refuge, crisis accommodation, or a community housing referral. If you have children, ask about family‑friendly accommodation and transport. Do not tell the abusive partner your destination unless a specialist service advises it is safe.
Choose the Right Time
Some people leaving with a long plan can slowly take personal, precious or sentimental items that are theirs, that won’t be noticed, and give them to a safe person temporarily to look after, so they cannot be taken or destroyed in rage by their partner.
If you decide to leave physically, do it when the person is away or when at least one other adult can be present for safety. Take the essentials first if possible: documents, medication, phone charger, keys, children’s items, and a small amount of clothing. If leaving with children, keep the departure calm and brief. You do not need to justify your decisions/departure, nor get drawn back into their vortex. As those who have left have said, “Do not believe crocodile tears nor any attempt to gaslight your choices or feelings.”
If Children Are Involved
Children should be included as part of the safety plan from the start. Keep in mind that children can be harmed by witnessing abuse even if they are not directly targeted. They may also be used as leverage, so avoid discussing the plan around them unless necessary.
Helpful steps include:
1. Documenting the children’s routines, day care/kindergarten/school, activities or groups they are part of, medical needs, and any incidents involving them.
2. Asking a domestic violence service or lawyer about parenting arrangements, supervised contact, and recovery orders where needed.
3. Informing the day care, kindergarten, school if there are safety concerns, and providing a copy of any intervention order if appropriate.
4. Preparing a packed bag for each child with essentials and comfort items. If there is a risk of the other parent taking the children or refusing to return them, get urgent legal advice before leaving where possible.
Be Compassionate with Yourself
This is not a sign of failure or weakness on your part. Be kind to yourself, have compassion for all you have gone through and all you are moving through right now. If you have a trusted person in your world, friend or professional, reach out for support. Even some calm reassurance or gentle, loving words can help you continue as you move through this time.
Legal Protection in Australia
In Australia, state and territory laws usually allow a Family Violence Intervention Order, Family Violence Order (FVO), or Restraining Order (RO), depending on where you live. These orders can restrict contact, attendance at your home or workplace, stalking, threats, and other forms of abuse. Police, courts, community legal centres, and domestic violence services can help you understand the process in your state or territory.
Important actions
· Keep evidence of abuse, threats, stalking, texts, emails, and call logs.
· Ask police whether they can apply for an order to help with urgent protection.
· Seek legal advice about family law, tenancy, child arrangements, and property.
· Tell a support service if the person has access to weapons or has escalated threats.
Money & Financial Aid
Money is often something that is controlled in these relationships by the abuser. Centrelink in Australia or financial aid in other countries may be part of the safety plan. People leaving abusive relationships may be able to ask about crisis payments, parenting and child/daycare payments, rent assistance, and other supports depending on their circumstances. Services can also help with emergency food, fuel, referrals, and short‑term vouchers.
Useful next steps:
· Contact Centrelink or financial aid services in your country and explain that you are experiencing family and domestic violence.
· Ask for a specialist or social worker, if available, for crisis‑related help and income support.
· Request help understanding what income support or crisis options you may qualify for.
· Keep copies of any letters or reference numbers.
· Community legal centres for legal advice about intervention orders, tenancy, separation and children.
· Women’s refuges and crisis accommodation services for emergency housing.
· Family relationship services and domestic violence services for safety planning and parenting support.
· Community health centres can also provide information or referrals.
If connected spaces, refuges, or local women’s services exist in your area, ask them for practical help with transport, storage, school coordination, and referrals of any nature you are seeking or unsure of.
If This Has Been For You Today
Please know: leaving a Dark Triad relationship is not just about willpower. It is about planning, support, safety, money, housing, documents, and legal protection. The safest exit is usually the one that is quiet, supported, and informed, and motivated by your desire for a life of freedom, safety and love.
While creating and applying this plan may be the hardest part, please know, like the lotus through the darkness of the mud, that you, just like others before you, can come into a new light of life that you do deserve.
A life of safety, of finding who you want to be in this world, especially if you were never permitted and supported to work, study or have a career you wanted, have creative expression and self‑exploration and development.
You can create a home filled with love for yourself and your child/ren; you can, in time, even choose to open to a beloved with whom you share your life in a healthy, stable, loving relationship, sharing your life also with other people you want to be in your world to share joyful and special times with. They may or may not be family by blood; they may become your chosen family, but whomever you choose, they will be seeing you for who you truly are and all you bring to this world.
If This Has Been A Resource For Someone You Know…
…and care about, please have compassion, patience and apply all the savvy knowledge and wisdom possible to help. Sometimes just knowing someone understands, can see what is really going on, and can offer any other means of support to help move a plan into action can truly save someone’s life.
If you have been uncertain to this point as to whether you can make the right choice for you, I trust this has given you the clarity, strength and love to decide what is best for your today and tomorrow. I’m sending you love.
IMMEDIATE CONTACTS & RESOURCES:
If you are in immediate danger in Australia: call 000, or your country’s emergency line.
Hotlines in Australia:
1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732.
In Australia, this is the main relationship‑abuse hotline. They are a free, confidential 24/7 support line for domestic, family, and sexual violence.
https://yourtoolkit.com/support/#support-a-friend
Lifeline: 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support.
Safe Steps: 1800 015 188 for family violence support in Victoria, Australia, with statewide after‑hours crisis help listed by Victoria’s government.
The fastest way to find the right equivalent page is to search your state or territory plus “family violence support services” or to use the national service directories that list local services by location.
SERVICES, SUPPORT & GUIDES
Australia
Step‑by‑step Guide for Domestic Violence Survivors (Australian‑based with general guidance for all):
https://yourtoolkit.com/guide/
Federal Circuit & Family Court in Australia / Family Violence – Get Help and Support:
https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/fv/help
Australian Department of Social Services: Help & Support for Ending Violence:
https://www.dss.gov.au/help-and-support-ending-violence
Victoria, Australia
Orange Door Victoria, Australia provides help for people experiencing family violence, or who need assistance with the care and wellbeing of children and young people:
https://www.vic.gov.au/about-the-orange-door
https://www.vic.gov.au/family-violence-support-services
Globally
How to support domestic abuse victims
(Australian‑based with general guidance) Yourtoolkit.com:
https://share.google/nD9thdopcbBk0Din0
Red flags: What is financial abuse and what are the warning signs? | Respect Victoria:
https://share.google/v5RnSHapK5XPEfUTJ
Centre for Women’s Economic Safety:
https://linktr.ee/CentreForWomensEconomicSafety?utm_source=linktree_profile_share<sid=54611739-5a87-4cde-aac3-c35cdf510653
If connected spaces, refuges, or local women’s services exist in your area, ask them for practical help with transport, storage, school coordination, and referrals.
Studies, reports, resources to learn more
A behavioural genetic investigation of the Dark Triad and the Big 5:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886907003054
The Dark Triad of personality: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0092656602005056
Social Psychology: A free resource to search:
https://www.socialpsychology.org/person.htm
Shepherd University: This guide covers basic resources that may be useful to the Psychology Department:
https://libguides.shepherd.edu/c.php?g=1321941&p=978778
“Every single act is protected by plausible deniability” says so much. That is what makes this kind of erasure so hard to name — the harm lives in the pattern, not one single moment anyone can point to.